April is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.
-T.S. Eliot, "The Wasteland"
What happens when you wanted something that you don't want anymore?
When I was in middle school, my favorite color was pink. When I was in high school, I preferred black, I preferred blue. Some people can not remember what my favorite color is anymore. It changes with me, you see; it reflects who I am. I liked pink when I was young and ignorant. I liked blue when all days were gray days and I mummified myself with paper.
Today is a gray day. The weather is cold and windy; it sprays water at my face. I listen to Vivaldi in my room and try very hard to remember.
What happens when something happens you aren't sure you're ready for?
In Northern Ireland I had a room to myself. I would lie awake in bed and listen to the people overhead laughing and drinking. The floor above us was co-ed. My floor was single sex. I stayed awake and made promises to myself I was not sure I would keep.
My favorite color is yellow. I have crossed the ocean and I will cross it again. I am watching the spring rain fall, so that next month, I can watch the flowers bloom.
What happens when you finally take that first step?
